Heroes

I remember her,

She was obtrusive and demanding

Sassy and outstanding.

She said “come here,

Closer…

Closer…”

And as I came 90 she came 10.

And she did over again.

Until I was finally comfortable.

With my body,

In my skin.

When she told me about her dad,

I didn’t understand.

Why look at women on a screen?

Like his daughter just 14

He has a wife.

It just wasn’t right.

It didn’t make sense,

But all the same,

I abhorred him for it.

It hurt her,

Deep down inside.

To know her mom would never be enough.

Never sufficient.

Somehow I think it fell to her that instant.

She knew she would never be enough

For him at least,

So she learned to play it tough.

Make sure her confidence showed.

So no-one would question or know.

…

She said she was sorry.

She didn’t mean to.

But she had wanted to.

Because when he went 90 she came 10.

Said it wouldn’t happen again.

Again, I didn’t understand.

Why would she need another?

What is it about a single lover?

…

Five years later,

I closed my browser,

And I cried,

And I cried.

And I shook,

I couldn’t even look,

At her.

Beautiful her.

Betrayal

Despicable

Evil

Nasty

Devil.

My flooded mind lashed.

And again, I didn’t understand.

I thought I would grow up to be a better man.

I thought I would take a stand.

 And now I never can!

I was falling in sinking sand

And all I wanted was solid land,

Instinct give in to my mind’s demand.

…

I guess there are no better men.

We all give in to something in the end.

But I don’t believe those words.

Maybe they are true,

But they hurt.

And I refuse.

Sometimes we believe in what’s worth believing in.

Because sometimes they deserve more than the truth,

Sometimes people deserve to have their faith rewarded.

Because someday, we all start to understand…

those things we never wanted to.

We realize the Dark Knight was true.

We watch ourselves become the villains,

We look out across the billions

There has to be a hero.

Who can rise above what makes us fall

Who can answer the good call.

Why cling to a man with a cape?

Why look up to professor Snape?

To a man in blue and red tights

Who Always does what’s right

And wins every fight?

Because he never closed a browser and cried.

He has only one reason to hide,

For the noble cause he cares for inside.

He doesn’t have to strive

Always toward what the world deserves but never gets,

What she deserves but will never get.

…

Loved ones will always deserve more than we can give.

But I don’t believe those words.

Because sometimes I believe in what’s worth believing in.

I will always strive, and dive, and cry, and try every second, towards perfection,

--And fail.

But its those last words I must not believe.

You

I sit vacantly staring at bases of knowledge

Reading endless pages of history

Pushing myself to the edges of my sanity

I can only handle so much

Music

The song sings of beautiful people

What am I doing here?

Why do I research Nigeria for hours,

Heroes or cowards,

Kenya and the Mau Mau,

Español en Colombia

Morphemes and Psychologically Real words

When there are people I could love

Glances I could share

People who care

I can't express how much I want

To revel in the beauty and promise of each person I see

To bask in the glory of God’s most wonderful creation.

You

Enough

I stride toward her

Down the elongating hall

Her smile flicks on and off

Eyes dart

Glisten slightly

I know it, I expect it.

Wearing a suit jacket and khakis,

I bend over and embrace her

The smile is gone

I can’t see it

But I know.

I feel the tiny drops of emotion roll from her face to mine.

Little streams, saying “I failed.”

Each jerk of her lungs is a lashing out,

Crying out that it wasn’t enough

She wasn’t enough.

So much hardship

So much effort

Putting her hands in the dirt

Giving up time

Fun

Friends

For this number on paper

For this means to her ends

Those pieces of paper

Some view as a life saver

That I see as a tormenter

And she knows it

It is her Bane

Her shame

Her blame

And rightly so.

But even though

It wasn’t enough

And seriously

She is so damn tough

No one has the right to make her feel like this

She should never feel this crushing feeling in her chest.

Of desperation in this mess.

Because she is worth a thousand times more

Than any paper, any stone, any land, or any item from any store.

More than this college of ours

More than the sun moon and the freaking stars.

She is enough.

Because she’s so damn tough.

She’ll reach her goals without a doubt

It’s just not fair her path’s so rough.

And here I am,

Holding, consoling, understanding,

But not really.

Never really knowing

What it’s like to be lacking.

To be clawing your way up.

To be reaching for your dreams,

Always knowing they could fall away

At any second of any day

But putting that all behind you

Forgetting it.

Living strong in spite of it.

No, I don’t know what that’s like.

Somehow, I’ve gotten everything I’ve ever wanted,

Somehow, no matter how I mess up,

God’s path for my life is straight and true…

But what about you!?

What about her!?

Why the hell is it so different?

Don’t you know she lives with a passion?

Despite all this tension

She moves with utmost intention

And you throw it to the ground

Shoot a glance in her direction.

She knows how it feels

To be clawing her way up,

To be reaching for her dreams,

Always knowing they could fall away

But still does she have it,

Despite fear and lost hope about it

With no reason left to believe it,

Yes somehow we still have it…

Faith

That’s what it is.

And I’m so proud of her,

For not being sure,

And still ripping through the madness

Pushing through the sadness

Rising past the backless

Embracing the distractions

And loving with a passion

I’m angry.

It’s not fair.

How much people must bend,

But we have faith the plan is true in the end

It’s time I felt what it’s like to not know.

To feel helpless.

Because this time,

When she reaches for the edge of her dream

We can reach together,

as a team.

She said “I’ll miss you”

But the same girl then said

God makes mountains so we learn how to climb.

Up we go.