Heroes

I remember her,

She was obtrusive and demanding

Sassy and outstanding.

She said “come here,

Closer…

Closer…”

And as I came 90 she came 10.

And she did over again.

Until I was finally comfortable.

With my body,

In my skin.

When she told me about her dad,

I didn’t understand.

Why look at women on a screen?

Like his daughter just 14

He has a wife.

It just wasn’t right.

It didn’t make sense,

But all the same,

I abhorred him for it.

It hurt her,

Deep down inside.

To know her mom would never be enough.

Never sufficient.

Somehow I think it fell to her that instant.

She knew she would never be enough

For him at least,

So she learned to play it tough.

Make sure her confidence showed.

So no-one would question or know.

…

She said she was sorry.

She didn’t mean to.

But she had wanted to.

Because when he went 90 she came 10.

Said it wouldn’t happen again.

Again, I didn’t understand.

Why would she need another?

What is it about a single lover?

…

Five years later,

I closed my browser,

And I cried,

And I cried.

And I shook,

I couldn’t even look,

At her.

Beautiful her.

Betrayal

Despicable

Evil

Nasty

Devil.

My flooded mind lashed.

And again, I didn’t understand.

I thought I would grow up to be a better man.

I thought I would take a stand.

 And now I never can!

I was falling in sinking sand

And all I wanted was solid land,

Instinct give in to my mind’s demand.

…

I guess there are no better men.

We all give in to something in the end.

But I don’t believe those words.

Maybe they are true,

But they hurt.

And I refuse.

Sometimes we believe in what’s worth believing in.

Because sometimes they deserve more than the truth,

Sometimes people deserve to have their faith rewarded.

Because someday, we all start to understand…

those things we never wanted to.

We realize the Dark Knight was true.

We watch ourselves become the villains,

We look out across the billions

There has to be a hero.

Who can rise above what makes us fall

Who can answer the good call.

Why cling to a man with a cape?

Why look up to professor Snape?

To a man in blue and red tights

Who Always does what’s right

And wins every fight?

Because he never closed a browser and cried.

He has only one reason to hide,

For the noble cause he cares for inside.

He doesn’t have to strive

Always toward what the world deserves but never gets,

What she deserves but will never get.

…

Loved ones will always deserve more than we can give.

But I don’t believe those words.

Because sometimes I believe in what’s worth believing in.

I will always strive, and dive, and cry, and try every second, towards perfection,

--And fail.

But its those last words I must not believe.

You

I sit vacantly staring at bases of knowledge

Reading endless pages of history

Pushing myself to the edges of my sanity

I can only handle so much

Music

The song sings of beautiful people

What am I doing here?

Why do I research Nigeria for hours,

Heroes or cowards,

Kenya and the Mau Mau,

Español en Colombia

Morphemes and Psychologically Real words

When there are people I could love

Glances I could share

People who care

I can't express how much I want

To revel in the beauty and promise of each person I see

To bask in the glory of God’s most wonderful creation.

You

Enough

I stride toward her

Down the elongating hall

Her smile flicks on and off

Eyes dart

Glisten slightly

I know it, I expect it.

Wearing a suit jacket and khakis,

I bend over and embrace her

The smile is gone

I can’t see it

But I know.

I feel the tiny drops of emotion roll from her face to mine.

Little streams, saying “I failed.”

Each jerk of her lungs is a lashing out,

Crying out that it wasn’t enough

She wasn’t enough.

So much hardship

So much effort

Putting her hands in the dirt

Giving up time

Fun

Friends

For this number on paper

For this means to her ends

Those pieces of paper

Some view as a life saver

That I see as a tormenter

And she knows it

It is her Bane

Her shame

Her blame

And rightly so.

But even though

It wasn’t enough

And seriously

She is so damn tough

No one has the right to make her feel like this

She should never feel this crushing feeling in her chest.

Of desperation in this mess.

Because she is worth a thousand times more

Than any paper, any stone, any land, or any item from any store.

More than this college of ours

More than the sun moon and the freaking stars.

She is enough.

Because she’s so damn tough.

She’ll reach her goals without a doubt

It’s just not fair her path’s so rough.

And here I am,

Holding, consoling, understanding,

But not really.

Never really knowing

What it’s like to be lacking.

To be clawing your way up.

To be reaching for your dreams,

Always knowing they could fall away

At any second of any day

But putting that all behind you

Forgetting it.

Living strong in spite of it.

No, I don’t know what that’s like.

Somehow, I’ve gotten everything I’ve ever wanted,

Somehow, no matter how I mess up,

God’s path for my life is straight and true…

But what about you!?

What about her!?

Why the hell is it so different?

Don’t you know she lives with a passion?

Despite all this tension

She moves with utmost intention

And you throw it to the ground

Shoot a glance in her direction.

She knows how it feels

To be clawing her way up,

To be reaching for her dreams,

Always knowing they could fall away

But still does she have it,

Despite fear and lost hope about it

With no reason left to believe it,

Yes somehow we still have it…

Faith

That’s what it is.

And I’m so proud of her,

For not being sure,

And still ripping through the madness

Pushing through the sadness

Rising past the backless

Embracing the distractions

And loving with a passion

I’m angry.

It’s not fair.

How much people must bend,

But we have faith the plan is true in the end

It’s time I felt what it’s like to not know.

To feel helpless.

Because this time,

When she reaches for the edge of her dream

We can reach together,

as a team.

She said “I’ll miss you”

But the same girl then said

God makes mountains so we learn how to climb.

Up we go.

Change

Just for clarification: Yes, my purpose for this blog has yet to be realized and i am filling it with more poetry than critical writing pieces. However, i think these poems say as much about the world around us as my other writings could and it allows me to "Start with the little things" and keep in mind what's really important in the world and in my life. Loving God and Loving His wonderful , beautiful human creations i get to see every day. :)

Infinite

This Poem was partially inspired by The Perks of Being a Wallflower. It was an incredible movie. One of the most beautiful movies i have ever had the privilege to watch. I recommend it to everyone! The book is currently on its way. Anyway, i hope i can capture just a bit of that beauty here.

If ideas

Dreams

Passions

Could leap from my mind to yours

Seep into your soul

through your pores

If my mind was wide open,

Could you understand?

What I see and who I am?

And if my love poured out

All over your embracing intentions,

Would it mean something?

Would it consume you as it does me?

If all my thoughts were piled sky high

In one big McDonalds ball pit of endless colors,

Piled without the slightest reliance on one another,

Yet impossible alone,

Would you climb to the stars with them,

Would you swim and dance with childlike innocence

Always knowing your mission but never forgetting the decision,

That it takes to step on every little thought,

Every foothold and handhold,

For you to climb

Through my mind

Up to the pinnacle of my internal sky?

To see the world from where I see

Each person with a dream

Their own dream,

Of tall mountains of thought and lakes of innocence

Slowly drying up into dark puddles and damp mist.

Each face with a story and a reason

A purpose for life,

And an unsettling cause for an unbearable amount of strife.

If you felt my anger,

For the pain and unjust in the world

Billowing out of my raging insides

Plummeting in whirling vibes

Past your sovereign emotions

Smashing into walls of separation

And halls of degradation,

Would you cry with me?

If you saw the incredible potential

I see in each and every child,

Felt the presence of true life beating right next to me,

Would you embrace the world with me?

Would you concoct valiant plans,

A list of blatant demands

that say “Stop!” you shall break not one more man.

Not one more woman shall fall to your hand.

Because this world is not the end,

Even though it matters immensely how we spend,

Each and every day,

I KNOW that I’m infinite,

But do they?

If evil runs the world does matter what I say?

Maybe.

Because If ideas

Dreams

Passions

Could leap from my mind to yours

Seep into your soul through your pores

If our minds were wide open,

I think we could understand.

Take a Bow

If I could dedicate my life to people

I would

Why can’t I dedicate my life to people?

I should.

With all I am I love people

With all I am I desire to be

Right next to you,

Whenever you need me.

To console your pain,

To discard your shame,

To help you realize you have everything to gain.

By opening up and letting go,

By surging through emotions and letting them show.

By embracing your fears and doubts

Casting the insecurities out

Together we can jump up on both feet

I understand

I’ll take your hand

Cry hard

Cry long

I’ll sing you a song

Of calm waves and a quiet place

Of serene grace and a change of pace

Where time is all you have yet only the beginning

Where you Maker sits next to you grinning

A somber smile of love never ending

A tear running down his cheek, glistening

Because He’s so proud

Who you are could never be any more deserving

Of a somber smile of love

An embrace that fits you like a glove.

And You know that it’s enough.

In your quiet place with calm waves

Where troubles have no place

And happiness is no chase

It’s right here for you

In the same place

It’s always been.

Back here, we know troubles are ahead

And there’s never quite enough time in bed

Or there’s too much,

but the thoughts never leave your head.

Forget about that, and listen.

You’re beautiful.

When I look at you,

Really see you,

A tear rolls down my face

Life will never be always easy

And you may lose your way

But look at me!

I’m here to stay

No sway

It WILL be okay

You have love

Abundant love.

No matter what.

You are worth so much more than you know

You have a light that needs to show.

So get up and strut,

With me, and all your crazies

--I mean friends.

Nope, this isn’t the end,

This is one piece of the journey of a thread

Being sewn through the quilt that is the masterpiece of your life

Yes, your life is a work of art all its own.

Unique and splendidly shown.

And you’re living that masterful

Wonderful,

Unsurpassable,

Irrefutable,

Spectacle of a life right now.

So get up, and take a bow.

Yes, you—take a bow.

Don’t tell me you don’t know how

It’s like this.

You embrace the incredible worth that is your very existence,

And you lean down,

Giving the world the greatest gift of something new,

The blessing of you.

Innocence

Silence

Concern

Empathetic,

Blue eyes

Glisten

Secretly You, listen

To everything

The world is your teacher

Movements graceful

Powerful

Unsure

But confident

Footsteps

Your eyes bound with light

Innocence

A smile flows from your face

Melts every doubt

Every hurt

Every sharp, hidden knife

That cuts…

The first to love

To trust

To give everything.

Truly Beautiful

A presence of free hearts beating

In unison

The world, broken?

With a heart like yours opening doors to peace in the swords?

With love like yours resonating through the halls of much too large spaces for far too few faces?

As you run and wrap your frail arms around my neck,

your feet lift ever so slightly

slowly

until only your toes remain

up

up

into the watercolor sky you fly

but as my grasp faces

I decide.

I’ll never let go

Why would I?

So you can grow?

To learn that children

Murder

 each day?

That rape is not held at bay

--not even close.

That parents fail

Abuse their spouses

Blame their daughters

And destroy what you so easily hold in your chest?

To find out

the world you love so dearly

throws its brightest stars to the wolves

its most beautiful minds to despair?

Where the mothers that care

Are forced to share

Their

Last chance at life worth living

Their last only hope they’re giving.

Where the beauty In your eyes will leave you

“maturity” consume you

Boys will break you

Trust will fail you

And when you scream in the night

Your pain will break every heart

Every heart

Every heart.

No

Remain in my arms

Where love is pure

unaltered

where your joy strikes down despair

and revives life

taunts strife

and maybe I have to let go

but please, please, please

don’t grow.

For You

So I decided to write some poetry too. So i can just cover all the bases.

I ran

Furiously

Fear swarmed about

I would not let it in

Urgency was my drive

I arrive

Enter slowly

Calm

There you are

How I’ve never seen you

My strong, impulsive, friend.

My humor without end.

Sitting erect

Plain

Years of agony hanging in those wonderful eyes.

The lip

Quivering slowly,

Then completely.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOO”

An eruption of pain

I can barely move.

As you implode in emotions streaming down your face

Crevices in your skin they trace

Your body quakes

Utter despair

I am at your side

I hold your thrashing body

Your heaving chest

Tears of my own quiver for escape

But I will not concede

In my head,

I fall to my knees in defeat

The joy here is gone

How is it possible to feel such horacity?

Such anguish?

No

For you, I am strong

For you, I know life is beautiful

For you, my faith unbreakable

Don’t you see?

Love is reborn,

It never ends,

But finds new form.

Leaving for more tissues

I shut the door behind me

I walk, coolly

to the hall’s end.

I collapse

Tears of agony hanging in my softened eyes.

My lip

Quivering slowly,

Then completely.

“Ahhhhh, eh, eh, uh-uh”

An eruption of pain

I can barely move.

As I implode in emotions streaming down my face

Crevices in my skin they trace

My body quakes

Utter despair

I return with the tissues

You’ll be alright

Start Changing the World

This is a blog for me to share my ideas with the world and hopefully get some feedback...can I do that? I'm not sure yet. But anyway, i believe that this world is messed up in a lot of ways, and this is my journey in finding those ways and proposing ideas to improve them. My current passionate topics include:

1) Women's stereotypes being promoted in the workplace. Women are required to wear make-up and a minimum of accessories in certain jobs, reinforcing ideas that beauty comes from the outside.

2)The society we live in is overly concerned with efficiency and productivity. It begins to tear our society apart emotionally.

3) Public schools conform us to the "American Way" branding us with a dependence on others so the capitalist economy can continue to thrive, discouraging individual thinking.

4) Experience vs. Innocence. It is better to an informed person in the world who has learnt the atrocities and evils of the world or to be ignorant of evil, and thus, innocent. The story of Adam and Eve is relevant. They were encouraged and demanded by God to remain innocent, not knowing evil. They discovered evil and Sin, thus we are all imperfect. What does that mean for our existence? Should we now value the knowledge of horrible acts and strive for peace in spite of it, or strive for what we lost long ago: innocence.

5) The spreading of our efficient culture to elsewhere. Justifying doing things because people have always done them. Maybe there is value in Culture. Maybe doing things the most efficient way possible isn't the best way to live. What is efficiency? Do other cultures strive toward a different outcome that they call "efficiency"?

6) What it takes to get through college. How busy the work keeps me, no time to change the world like in this blog! How i have to neglect my health in order to keep up with academics, maintain friends, be socially aware to problems, and to try making a difference. Our society and college life makes that hard.

These are all subjects i will write and think deeply about as well as including topics i have already uncovered such as the true basis of the immigration problem today and sexual assault prevention on college campuses. Maybe i'll include writing i'm doing now on the changing culture of my college through its "more efficiency" practices as a prelude to my greater theme. :) I can't wait to get started.